Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
