the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
