Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
