she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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