awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
