the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
