I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
