Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
