Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
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