This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
