I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
