On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
