Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
