On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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