so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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