WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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