Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
