i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
