Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Im part way to drunk.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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