I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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