According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
