i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
