I hate your face
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
