It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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