I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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