whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
