You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E