Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit