I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't burritos get me drunk
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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