Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(516): View more from New York

why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?

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(516): why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo? http://tfl.nu/oqag

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(561): View more from Florida

I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."

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(561): I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday." http://tfl.nu/kc3i

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(205): View more from Alabama

I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more

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(205): I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more http://tfl.nu/noxu

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(661): View more from California

i wish semen tasted like chocolate

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(661): i wish semen tasted like chocolate http://tfl.nu/nknz

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(805): View more from California

they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate

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(805): they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate http://tfl.nu/r0av

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(614): View more from Ohio

Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.

(904): View more from Florida

FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift

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(614): Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing. (904): FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift http://tfl.nu/ws8p

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(319): View more from Iowa

I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online

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(319): I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online http://tfl.nu/tzby

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(214): View more from Texas

Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem

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(214): Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem http://tfl.nu/y1i7

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(602): View more from Arizona

i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments

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(602): i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments http://tfl.nu/teyj

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(443): View more from Maryland

Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.

(410): View more from Maryland

Sounds like a normal friday night

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(443): Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan. (410): Sounds like a normal friday night http://tfl.nu/c2vx

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(631): View more from New York

So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here

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(631): So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here http://tfl.nu/ydin

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.

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(814): I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos. http://tfl.nu/dk8h

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(614): View more from Ohio

Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night

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(614): Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night http://tfl.nu/qw5j

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(708): View more from Illinois

Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?

(1-708): View more from Illinois

Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.

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(708): Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything? (1-708): Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference. http://tfl.nu/anav

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(330): View more from Ohio

I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.

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(330): I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong. http://tfl.nu/hqmh

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