Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
# Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.