my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.