I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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