Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
