those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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