i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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