I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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