It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
