She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
