You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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