Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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