Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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