I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
