One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
