I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
