I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Jerry, you need to find god
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Randomize
