when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
