That's intense
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
pop tarts are not kleenex
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
