Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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