Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
