Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
