can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
