Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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