HIV tests are more positive than that guy
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
