can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
