I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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