so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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