Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
