don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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