I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
If its not for food we ain't going out.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
