Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You smell like stripper and shame
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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