I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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