He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
