6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize