am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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